He answers reader-submitted sex questions on his blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend, and writes the gay sex and dating column Sexy Beast for The Advocate. Do what feels good.Īlexander Cheves is a New York City-based writer whose work has appeared in Vice, Out Magazine, Pride, Gayety, Project Q, Fenuxe Magazine, and others. What you enjoy sexually says nothing about your social importance, your power, your masculinity, your femininity, your gender identity, your attractiveness, your desirability, or your “worth.” It’s just sex. Even if you don’t believe that now, give it time, and spend as much time as you can among your people - other LGBTQ+ folks. There’s also nothing wrong with being gay. Maybe you’re still dealing with some self-acceptance issues, and the concept of being “more gay” is uncomfortable, because you don’t want to be “more gay.” You may not even want to “be gay” at all.įirst things first: there is nothing wrong with being feminine. You’ve probably been told bottoming makes you “the girl,” or makes you “more gay.” We live in a misogynistic, patriarchal culture in which feminized men often get shamed, and men getting fucked is seen by many as the ultimate act of feminization. We were trailblazers in the “free love” movement, and have a long history of enjoying long-term, successful relationships between guys who both “play for the same team.” If you connect with someone, don’t immediately assume that your perceived sexual “incompatibility” is a deal-breaker. The concept of non-monogamy might not be something you’re ready to think about right now, but at some point you will discover an awesome part of gay male culture: We are masters of nontraditional, non-monogamous, polyamorous, and “open” relationships. I love fucking him, and he loves fucking me, but sometimes (often) we both prefer to get fucked - and we do, by other guys. Current relationship structure and status allowing, create. 3 of men have sex with men although they do not identify themselves as gay.
HOW TO HAVE GAY SEX IF YOU ARE CURIOUS HOW TO
I discuss these risks and how to protect yourself in part two of this guide. When Sean accepts Gideons invite for straight boys to come satisfy their curiosity about gay sex, he isnt prepared for the personal revelations that will. Bi-curious implies that someone is actively exploring their (bi)sexuality, which can be done in a wide variety of ways. When we are in a relationship, we expect that our partner will keep our. Asking him to spot you while you lay flat on the bench press while he stands behind you (and maybe even elevated depending upon the bench) is a bad idea Think about this for a minute, and it will make sense.
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Learning about those risks and taking the necessary steps to minimize them (protecting yourself and playing smartly) gives you the freedom to enjoy bottoming without fear. For example, asking him to spot you while doing a military press would probably be OK. All sex - bottoming, topping, sucking, handjobs - involves risk. In cultural discourse, HIV is widely associated with my community - so much so that many beginners who want to try bottoming refrain from doing so because they think it’s an extremely dangerous, high-risk activity. I’m a man who has sex with men, including trans men, and I see transgender women and queer people of color as essential members of my LGBTQ+ family.